* This post has been edited to remove some of the "ranty'" elements that creep in when posting after midnight.
I am in mourning tonight. Not for the man, but for the dream that I lost. Although I have always told myself that I was not one of *those* girls. You know the ones; they buy into the fairy tale. They set their hearts on the Barbie dream wedding, filled with the glitter and romance.
What I didn't realize is that there was a bit of that girl in me. I secretly wanted that dream and it was actually within reach. And now it's gone.
I was cleaning up the TV room and decided it was time to get rid of the wedding magazines. And I guess that started to make it real. No white dress, no bridesmaids, no bubbles & glitter, no cake, no presents, no wedding.
Last night, as I lay down to sleep, I wondered what I would do on October 4. That was supposed to be my wedding day. Do I commemorate it or pretend it wasn't supposed to be special?
Of course, the only way I was going to keep my wedding date was to stay in a relationship that was not healthy and there is no way that is going to happen. I just have to trust that things are happening as they should. But I have to allow myself to grieve.
Well, I think I have said enough for one night. I have unravelled my Dupatta scarf to make it into a shrug. I am using the Kid Merino Lace Shrug pattern from Crystal Palace. I am halfway through a row. I hope to work at least on set of the pattern by morning. I am looking forward to the square affair. Ta.
Eryka
8 comments:
Hang in there...
Maybe you could have a nice lunch or dinner with some good friends?
I know it's hard. To answer your question: I do believe you commemerate the day. Gather some of your sistahs who you know speak the truth and have a ceremony where you celebrate a union with yourself. Rejoice that you know the relationship wasn't healthy. Rejoice that you are able to hold your head up. Rejoice that there may be some good things you got out of the relationship and so it ended just when it was supposed to and you will be so much more fabulous the next time. Wish him well with his life and then let yourself be surrounded by your sisterhood!
That is going to be one difficult day for you. I think you need to be surrounded by friends and maybe go out for a nice lunch or dinner. No wait, not totally surrounded by friends, just maybe a couple of them to give you support.
Just remember he wasn't the best thing for you and one day your real prince will come. :-)
Thanks for the support. I will commemorate the day. But it will be a celebration of my life, my friendships and all the blessings that surround me.
I so admire your ability to be honest with yourself and admit there was a bit of the fairytale loving girl inside the woman. And you are right to be so kind to her and let her be sad about the loss of the immediate dream.
Knowing you, there's a whole 'nother dream just around the corner. It may or many not involve a relationship, but you have a spirit that attracts life and I have no doubt something is going to find you soon.
The parallel between the unraveling of the wedding and the unraveling of the scarf was deftly presented, you gifted girl! There is that wonderful English major, shining through. Who would have thought having an English degree would give us such useful life skills?
Oh, and you know that if you want to, you can be knitting with the girls on that day, don't you? We could have an un-wedding.... (a la Alice's un birthday party?)
Kathy that is a great idea! Actually I have something similar in mind, which I will share with you all shortly. But you will get an invitation! BTW, you guys are the best!
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